Humor 101 with Taj

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,
'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the
owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc., They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children:
Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids
were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they
produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named
Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva
Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride,
Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says,
'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

ahahahahah great find laura

nice hahahaha

So theres a fly, hovering 6 inches above a lakes water....

Underneath that fly is a fish thinkin "Man, if that fly would just drop SIX INCHES i kould have me some lunch"....

On the shore, paces a bear. The bears thinkin, man if that fly droped SIX INCHES the fish would jump 4 the fly and i kould snatch that fish up 4 a quikk meal.....

Squattin behind a rokk is hunter with a shot gun eatin a ham n cheese sammich. The Hunters thinkin "man if that fly would drop 6 inches, the fish would go for the fly, the bear would go 4 the fish....n i kould have a klean shot at that fukkin bear!!!"

Skurrying about, is a mouse. The mouse is thinkin...."man if that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would go for the fly, the bear would go for the fish, and the hunter would drop his ham n cheese sammich, pikk up his gun, shoot the bear n I kould run down and snatch that cheese from his sammich!!"

Beyond the mouse....is a KAT. The kat is sittin anxiously watching all thisunfold. He' thinkin 2 himself, "if that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would go for the fly, the bear would go for the fish, th hunter would drop that sammich n go 4 the bear, and the mouse would go for the cheese, which would give me a great oppurtunity 2 eat that mouse!"

WELL- the fly dropped 6 inches........ the fish got the fly, the bear go tthe fish, the hunter dropped his sammich and shot the bear, the mouse got the cheese.... but when the kat went to pounce on the mouse, he over shot his jump, missed, and rolled right into the lake.

Whats the moral of this story????

Every time a fly drops SIX INCHES....a pussy's gona get wet.

BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

fucking lol.

The Pregnant Blonde

The other day my blonde neighbor, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'What the heck?' She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great, tell me.' She stopped jumping up and down and told me she was pregnant! I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great! I couldn't be happier!' Then she said, 'There's more!' I asked, 'What do you mean 'more'?' She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby We are going to have TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon, I asked her how she knew so early? She said.... 'Well, it's easy, I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'

hahaha

THATS IS SUM BLONDE SHIT...LMFAO

hahah good shit laura

Geeez, ya'll are no fun. Get a sense of humor why dontcha!

The Hair Dryer and the Priest

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limit, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

thats golden

LOL...
A BOY FINDS A KONDOM IN THE TRASH AND ASK HIS MOMS WHAT IT IS,SHE TELLS HIM IT IS A TWINKY WRAPER,SO THE KID SAY'S GOOD KUZZ I LICKED ALL THE KREAM OUT OF IT......

ONE LUV SILENT LOL....

LMAO nasty haahahhaa.

THE KLEVER FLIGHT ATTENDANT

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Continental Airlines from Denver to Houston. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded,
"Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" he boy said, "Yes, she did...."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Continental always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."

GOOD SHIT...I FLY CONTINENTAL......LOL

Grandma's answer to lil Tony


Little Tony had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling'.

Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds, and Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

Colonoscopy




All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

'I should be in charge,' said the brain , 'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would
happen.'

'I should be in charge,' said the blood , 'Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.'

'I should be in charge,' said the stomach,' Because I process food and give all of you energy.'

'I should be in charge,' said the legs, 'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.'

'I should be in charge,' said the eyes, 'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.'

'I should be in charge,' said the rectum, 'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.'

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
.
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...


The asshole is usually in charge

you want funny? hold on i'll be right back lol